Mommy Style Monday: What I Wish I Knew

I remember sitting in church as a newlywed and listening to a woman give a talk about motherhood. She shared a story about her "to do" list and how "painting my toenails" was a reoccurring item on the list because she was always too busy with other things to get that one little thing done. She was unable to fulfill this indulgence, week after week. Being the naive, newlywed I was, I thought she was being a little ridiculous- "How hard is it to paint your toenails?? Seriously?" 

Fast forward to today and I now understand her small struggle. It may not have been that she didn't have the time to paint her nails, but that other things have taken priority. I know when I have a trivial thing on my "to do" list that can only be done after bedtime, I often dismiss it. Instead I watch a show with my husband, get some blogging done/read other blogs, or get some chores done. Because at the end of the day, I'm tired and relieved that Gwen is finally asleep! I wish I used my time a little more wisely and practiced drawing or working on ways to advertise my photography. That's something I need to work on. Some moms are great at growing creatively and pursuing their dreams outside of motherhood, and I applaud them. Those women are my heroes and they inspire me. 

Right. I had an idea of what it was like to be a mother before actually becoming one, but really, I was naive, as most childless people might be about parenthood. Here are some things I would tell my past self about being a mom:

1. You're not a strict as you think you are.

My past self would think, "Sleep training? Leaving the baby to cry in the crib to fall asleep? Discipline? No problem!! I won't bat an eye!" And then the hypothetical baby was my baby and I had become accustomed to co-sleeping (because its honestly the easiest option for nursing moms). You can ask me about my personal thoughts on sleep training, just not on the internet. Honestly, my thoughts are complicated. And when it comes to discipline- when's the right time to start that? I'm not sure Gwen understands being put in timeout when she misbehaves, but let's not get into that! As you can see, there are things that I wish my future self will tell me about discipline. 

2. Don't you dare judge other moms/parents.

I think I learned this one while I was pregnant with Gwen. It all starts when you become pregnant and everyone has different opinions about labor and delivery. I knew that I shouldn't judge other women for choosing to deliver their baby in a different way than me and I definitely shouldn't judge other moms that choose not to breastfeed. Those were the two big "no nos." But it was so easy for me to judge other people's parenting styles. I completely regret thinking this way! I was so harsh. It's such a struggle to raise a human being to the best of your knowledge and ability. Every time I might disagree with a mom I think to myself, "They may not agree with my parenting choices, but I would hate to think that they're judging me for it and/or thinking of ways I could 'improve.'" So I dismiss these thoughts and instead think, "I have no idea what it's like to be this person. I can tell that she is a good mom. There are so many good ways to parent!" 

*Related*- Never give another mom unsolicited advice! Seriously! You may be talking with another mom and venting about mom struggles, but unless she specifically asks for your opinion or advice, don't give it. Just listen to her. Also, never do this if you're not even a parent. I cringe at the thought of my past self replying to a couple of moms' Facebook statuses asking for motherly advice. I can only imagine that they rolled their eyes into oblivion. I do not blame them. 

3. Be open to changing your mind and accept chaos. 

Babies grow and change all the time. It may make your life easier if you're open to changing plans and being flexible, because although we don't like to admit it, our kids are kind of in charge. Not in the sense that we should succumb to their every whim, but that we need to listen to their needs and act accordingly. 

(^after Gwen ran away from me)

Thanks for letting me share the things I've learned so far about motherhood! Make sure and check out these other mothers' ideas and thoughts. I can't wait to read everyone's stories :) 

Kiana at Glitter & Donuts

Madeline at CaseyLand
Monica at It's All About
Erica at Good Job Momma
Justine at Little Dove
Amy at Harris Inc.
Bekah at These Are The Days

If you're interested in participating in the next Mommy Style Monday, visit these blogs:
Glitter and Donuts
Caseyland 

Speechless

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I hadn't felt like blogging much about the happy things in my life, or really anything while feeling nauseous and unmotivated, but now that that season has passed I'm determined to get back to it... but not before I've hit "publish" on this entry.

It feels wrong to write another Happy List while there is a ton of unhappiness in our nation right now, and it needs to be acknowledged. Recently, there has been so much crime, gun violence, and racism. It seems like there's horrific news every week. It's difficult for me to know what to say. I usually keep silent during these times because I'm reading so many different opinions online and I'm not sure what to address. I also feel like everything that I'd want to say has already been said by other people, and they've said it with far more intelligence and experience on these matters. I was watching a Snapchat story of a blogger I follow and she was talking about how everyone needs to mention and/or speak up about these events before posting anything else that may seem frivolous in contrast. This made me feel bad because I agree with her and I had avoided saying anything about it.

So here I am, addressing these problems. If you were hoping to read a profound blog entry about possible solutions to all of these hate crimes, then I am sorry to report that I've got nothing to offer in that department. The only thing I can say is that I feel like our nation is falling apart and that I feel helpless. I am heartbroken. I am praying for the many victims' families and friends.

Black lives matter. Cops' lives matter. LGBTQ lives matter.

What kind of blogger do I want to be?

This past weekend I attended the Say Hi Society mini blog conference. So. Blog conferences. Blogger meet-ups. I think it's a pretty popular thing amongst bloggers in Utah or Arizona. Maybe California, too? When I learned that we'd be moving to Arizona a couple of years ago, I was stoked because I knew there was a big community of bloggers round these parts. Where I lived previously, in southern New Mexico, I was the only person I knew (IRL) with a blog. (Not true anymore, because my kick @$$ friend Santana now has a blog that you should definitely check out.)

The first blog conference I attended was as a huge, round, pregnant lady that would have her baby two days later. It was a little nerve wracking because I had no idea who any of these people were! Oh, except for Ashley Nielson who was pregnant at that time, too. I actually hitched a ride with a complete stranger, aka Jen Bosen, who has since become a friend. Right. I was in a new world, and it was pretty hectic because the space was too small and the air conditioner was broken?? This is a crime in Arizona. Maybe that experience is what led me into labor. If so, I'm grateful for it! Gwen came a week early!

Anyway, since then, I've attended a few more blog meet-ups, but I gotta say, they've all been kind of awkward. Not, like, all aspects of each meet-up, but there have always been the little awkward moments when meeting new people and trying to get to know them in just a couple of hours. Miraculously, I have made a handful of internet and real life friends through these things! And that is what I like about the meet-ups: socializing with like-minded friends. Yeah, my number one reason to attend these things is not to network or grow my blog following, but to hang with my peeps.

A photo posted by Beverly Houpt (@bevhoupt) on Apr 16, 2016 at 12:51pm PDT

 Also, there's the awkward aspect of being in a room full of people who are taking the talks and networking very seriously, while I'm just happy to get out of the house.

Okay, but seriously. I do enjoy listening to the talks even when I can't relate half the time because they usually inspire me to keep blogging or to think about what I want from my blog. There were two talks at this conference, and I walked in very late to the first one. See, I thought the conference started at 9:30 when it actually started at 8:45. (I'm a little glad that I was late because if I would have known that it started at 8:45 I would have been a little miserable; I hate waking up early.) So there was my first awkward thing. The speakers were Jamie Stum and Sarah Homec of Mommy Mailbox. Honestly, I could not relate with their presentation. I'm sure it was more geared toward other bloggers who have products to sell, so that's great for them! It did make me more interested in their product, though. I may buy a subscription for myself or buy one as a present to a fellow mom.

The second speaker was Matt Molen, who I honestly have never heard of before, but he had some cool advice about using email to your advantage. Plus he had a lot of funny pictures from the internet in his Powerpoint, and that kind of thing always make me laugh.

I was giggling throughout his presentation, but it seemed like I was the only one?? He showed a clip of Elf and I might have been the only one to quote the movie while it was playing. Awkward thing number two.

He started off by asking "How are you different?"
I don't ask myself that question nearly enough. I feel like I'm just another basic Mormon girl with a blog, most of the time. I don't give it too much thought when updating my blog, I just post about what is happening in my life. My blog has definitely transformed since 2010, just as I have. I often thought about deleting it when I'd change the content, but I knew I'd regret it. I'm glad I didn't delete (most of) the old posts!

How am I different? What kind of blogger am I?
I'm not sure. I know that I'm not a "mommy" blogger. I've always hated that term.... I'm no longer a style blogger, except on the very rare occasion. My recent content may suggest that I'm a fitness blogger, but that is not right at all. I'm not a photography blog because I don't give out photography advice or tips- I feel like there is plenty of that to go around, from people who do a much better job than I could. So that leaves me with the title of "lifestyle blogger." But when I think of lifestyle blogs, I think of inspiration and envy. I don't think anyone is too envious of my life. Maybe I have this all wrong and I shouldn't give myself a title. I'm just a girl/mom/wife with a blog that wants to share my stories. How am I different? You tell me. (No really, tell me, I wanna know.)

"What can readers benefit from my blog?"
I'd like to be a blog that you'd go to for relatable stories about motherhood.
I'd like to be a blog that you want to visit because I've got a "down to earth" attitude. *sunglasses emoji*
I want you to visit my blog because I try to be honest in my opinions, I make fun/funny videos you can watch, and I take pictures of pretty things and people.

That is what I've learned about myself during Matt's talk. And also that I may finally make a Facebook page for my blog and think about a newsletter at some point.

p.s. Look at this photo. ^ It was supposed to be a candid shot. I know this because all the other photos of the guests in the PASS gallery were taken candidly while they were intently listening to the speakers, but when I saw Chrissy from afar with her zoom lens, I had to smile! 

A-ha! That is what makes me different! 

Photos taken by Let Me See You Sparkle Photography 

Fitness Challenge, Days 3-5

Hey! If you're interested in how this fitness challenge I participated in played out, give these videos a watch. I ended up only filming days 1-5, and then took a break from vlogging until the last day, day 10. I'll be posting that video soon. I'm thinking of making a more formal video about what I learned about myself during the challenge, how I feel physically/emotionally, future goals, etc.

Exercise? Diet??

The horror!

Yup. I'm taking part in a "10 Day Tune Up" challenge. It's actually almost over, but I've been slow about getting these videos edited and posted. I am definitely not the type of person to do this type of thing, but I felt compelled when my friend added me to her Facebook group. Thanks, Mae! Here are the first two days of the challenge!

My Valentines

Above photos by Photography Hill, edits by me. 

It's fun when Valentine's Day lands on a Sunday because then the whole weekend feels like Valentine's Day. I think I've mentioned before how I love Valentine's Day. I think the whole month should be pink and red. Instead, people have moved on to St. Patrick's Day, which is my least favorite holiday. Boo. But it's fine because not too long afterward, there's Easter! Which may be my favorite holiday. 

Ryan and I went on our Valentine's date on Saturday. We ate at an Asian seafood buffet (sushiiiiii) and went to the roller rink afterward! Rollerblading together brought back memories of when we first started dating. We both worked at Sonic as carhops and that's where we actually started talking. Before Ryan was hired, we were just a couple of acquaintances at church. It was so much fun. Except for the part where I ran into the wall and fell. Ha! I kinda forgot how to stop. But I made a speedy recovery and the rest of the night was definitely worth that embarrassing fall. 

Sunday was alright. I loved seeing everyone's Valentine themed outfits at church. I haven't mentioned this on the blog yet, but Gwen has been going to Nursery at church! The nursery is for babies 18 months to 3 years, and Gwen is only 17 months, but they kindly accepted her to join! Ryan and I are both teaching a Primary class and she has been a big distraction to all the kids there, so having her in Nursery is a life saver. It's so fun to see her interact with the other babies. When walking past the room I can't help but to look through the little window in the door to see what she's up to. 

After church, Gwen was in need of a nap, as per usual. She was hungry and cranky, but I really wanted to take some photos with her. I tried to get Ryan to help me, but he was getting frustrated with Gwen. (He needed a nap too LOL.) Her tights were all wonky so he was trying to fix them for the photos. No luck. We argued for a bit and then I didn't feel like taking photos anymore after the whole ordeal. I took off my shoes, undid my hair, and stormed off to the kitchen to angrily wash the dishes. I heard the door open and close while I had the water running. I looked out the window to see Ryan with my camera around his neck, carrying Gwen. He was taking her photos for me! It was the sweetest little gesture. Here are the results-

When he came back inside we just smiled at each other, hugged, and said our "sorries."
Ryan, you my 5-ever Valentine, boo. 

Ingrid

I've been spending a lot of my free time on YouTube these days. I stumbled upon Ingrid Nilsen's videos a few months ago and fell in love with her. I especially love her series "5MFU" (5 minutes for us) because they're short, meaningful videos that get straight to the point. So if you need a little pick me up/some encouragement/a friend, check her out! Here are a few of her videos that I can completely relate with.

Moody Weekend

Recently, I have been feeling a little down. I can't exactly pinpoint what has been bothering me. Maybe it's a combination of the new challenges that motherhood has presented, with a growing, sassy, 16 month old, and the uncertainty I feel about decisions that I need to make. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not ready to make said decisions or if I'm just over thinking things a bit. I know that prayer usually helps me in situations like this, so maybe I should look into that.
I love being a mom, but lately I have been getting a little annoyed with all the lovey dovey, gorgeous moms on Instagram, with their artistic photos and meaningful captions. And I'm sure they have the bad/annoying days with their kids, it's just that all they post about is the good, and even on the rare occasion when they post about the bad, it's still portrayed beautifully. Ha. Maybe I'm guilty of this too? You tell me.

Over this past weekend, my emotions were just a bit all over the place. Sundays have proven to be challenging. We started going to church from 11-2pm with the new year, and it has cut into Gwen's nap time. I know this is a very common complaint amongst LDS parents with small children, so it's nice to have friends to sympathize with. Anyway, it makes things a bit difficult and you end up with a cranky baby for the rest of the day, sometimes for 2 days. Oh, and I decided it would be a great idea to walk to church since we were actually ready 30 minutes before church started. I overestimated my cute boots, and my feet were killing me by the end of our (power) walk. Ryan made sure that I got a ride home with someone while he and Gwen walked home. It was kind of embarrassing, but it made me feel loved when Ryan kept insisting that I find a ride home.

What got me through this weekend was knowing that Ryan would have Monday off from work. I like parenting so much better with my partner. I think it motivates me to be a better mom when he's around. I dragged him to the Desert Botanical Gardens that I've been wanting to go to for so long, and we had a very nice time. It seemed to be just what we needed. Mostly what I needed to get out of my moody weekend funk.

Too Many Videos

I wasn't satisfied with my last "about me" video after watching the other babes' videos in the Flog challenge. So you get to see me again! I pull up my shirt a lot because cleavage, and there's a part in the middle where I basically say the same thing twice so sorry for the poor editing!  

Vlog Challenge- "About Me"

Here is my first video for the "Flog Challenge" (flog = four vlogs). It's supposed to be an "about me" but it's more of just a regular old vlog. So maybe you'll enjoy watching and maybe you'll learn some stuff about my life. If you'd like to join the challenge, head over to Leah's blog and link up!  

I Finally Made that Video

My friend Emily tagged me to tell 10 things you may not know about me. Sorry that it's really long and kinda weird and boring.  But you should get ready for more videos here because I'm participating in a vlogging challenge! It's a four week challenge, and if you want to do it too, visit Leah's blog for the prompts. Should be fun! The first one is due next Tuesday, so chop chop. 

7 Months with Gwen

Six months to seven months has been the funnest transition with Gwen so far. She learned to sit up (which seems like a tiny miracle) and is much more interested in toys and is more interested in things she shouldn't have. She learned to army crawl about a week ago, so it has been fun seeing how far she can get from one end of the living room to the other end. Man, we gotta baby proof this place now. We are still co-sleeping, but next month we'll be moving into a place with two bedrooms! So we'll see how transitioning to a crib will be.... I'll probably have a harder time with it than Gwen! Honestly, she might just use the crib for naps. We'll see. Who knows, maybe I'll be relieved to have her out? Although I'm very(!) excited to finally have the chance to decorate a nursery!

We are still nursing and she eats a little baby food here and there. She so badly wants to stand, and tries to pull up on furniture or our legs, but she can't quite get there yet. Oh, and she's babbling a lot which is super neat for Ryan and I but probably boring for the rest of the world. We are definitely her biggest fans. I'm sure that's why God made parenting a partnership- so we can "fangirl" over our babies with our spouses/partners and not feel like a complete dork.


This is unrelated, but related at the same time-
I was pretty devastated after reading this blog post  about protecting your family/babies on social media. I knew that there are a lot of creeps and evil people on the internet, but I kind of just forget about it. You know? I focus on the good and fun of sharing photos of my adorable baby on Facebook, Instagram, and especially this blog. What shook me the most while reading that post was learning about the horribleness that is baby role playing, and that there is a community of these sickos on Instagram that can steal your photos and post them on their own accounts. A minute after reading the blog post I changed the privacy settings on my Instagram account and Facebook. This naturally got me thinking about my blog. I felt torn- I had immediately felt guilty about all of the photos I had uploaded of Gwen on all of my social media. I know that I shouldn't, since my intentions of sharing my life as a parent are good, but I couldn't help thinking whether or not her photos had already made it onto one of the baby rp accounts. It just feels so violating knowing that these predators are on the same platform that many of us parents use to share cute, funny pictures with one another.
After sleeping on it and reading through the tips to keep my baby safe, I feel a little better about keeping my blog. I thought a lot about making my blog private as well, but I felt that it would defeat the purpose of my blog, which is to share most aspects of my life, connect with other women and moms, and to make new friends. You can't really do these things if you're closed off to the world.
I also thought about how unfair it is that I was so afraid to share my life with all of you. I love blogging and I'm glad and proud that I've stuck with it for four years.
So! I am going to be more careful about what I share here and I'm not gonna let the bad guys control my thoughts too much. Learning what I did was a great reminder to keep some parts of my life and photos, private. Also, I've made a new Instagram account! Please follow me :) @hey_whataday 

Insecurities

I work at the same portrait studio where I took my high school senior photos. On my first day, one of my coworkers was showing me around and brought me to the back storage room where they keep extra props and hundreds of old disks of photos from years ago. Sure enough my old disk from my senior session was still there and I was allowed to take it.
I was seventeen when I took senior photos and man was I skinny. But I didn't feel that skinny when I was a teenager. I never exercised and I didn't eat well. I am proud, though, to say that I am not envious of my 17 year old body. I realize that my body has matured and my metabolism has slowed down a notch. I like my hips (most of the time). But of course there are things about myself that I struggle to love:

1. upper arms
2. square shaped face
3. nose
4. ankles
5. small feet
6. thighs
7. belly chub

I didn't put this list on my blog for people to tell me "Shut up Beverly, you're gorgeous." Or to fish for compliments. I know that I'm pretty, but like everyone, I have dumb insecurities. I feel a little silly posting about this while my mid section grows each week, and my chest has gotten bigger, and I'm expected to gain weight, but it has really been on my mind. I even had a mini meltdown about how unsexy I've felt recently. (Who knew that bigger breasts could make you feel unsexy?) I had a talk last week with a woman that I admire. She often vocalizes that she wants to change things about her physical appearance, and it just breaks my heart. I told her how this affects me when she puts herself down so often. I think she is beautiful and many others do as well. She is part of the reason I chose to write about this.

A couple of other bloggers inspired me to write about this subject as well. Here's a great quote from Samantha Heather:
"Joy is found when we rid ourselves of all expectations and comparisons and see everyone else as an individual, with their own set of flaws and gifts. To me, confidence is what is beautiful. ... We are never going to be satisfied. We are never going to have it all but once we start to look beyond the expectations and the comparisons perhaps we can be content with what we have and who we are and our insecurities can become a statement, a definition of us. This isn't a matter of how the world views us but rather how we view the world and the people and values that surround us."

Another great one from Kalee of Fred Rongo:
"Having a blog where you post pictures of yourself daily, really helps with getting over your insecurities. Not necessarily making them non-existent, but making them irrelevant. Showcasing  your insecurities. Yeah, I can hate things about the way I look, but at the end of the day, I really am thankful for how I am and how I feel. I'm confident in my body, even though it's not perfect. It took a while to get there. But I'm there. And I love it."

It's easy to make a list of things you hate about your appearance, so how about letting the world know what you love about your body? Along with the list of insecurities, here is my list of things I love about my appearance:

1. moles/beauty marks
2. eyes
3. smile
4. butt

Sure it's a smaller list than the insecurities, but I still think it outweighs that list.

(Here are a couple more from my senior photos 'cause look how cute I was :) ) 

Being a grown up and self love

Job interviews are the worst. Job searching is the worst. 

Grad life, am I right? 

In other news, I'm sick of hearing about everyone's new year's resolutions to get fit. Like, I'm ok with people wanting to exercise. That's cool and all, but I guess I'm talking about blog posts that girls write that concentrate specifically on how much weight they put on since the holidays and how their weight has fluctuated throughout the year and blah blah blah. I literally DO NOT CARE. Ok, I understand that it's their blog and they can write about whatever the heck they want, I just wish that everyone loved their bodies, and accepted their bodies, and accepted other people's bodies. That last one the most, I think. I'm so sick of body shaming. I'm not saying that I don't need to work on self love myself. I think everyone struggles with that. No matter what your body type or weight, everyone wishes they could change something about their appearance. At least everyone that I've met. Comparison is inevitable. 

This video says it all. Please do yourself a favor and watch!

Sorry about the cursing. 

And here are some more awesome things I found on tumblr.

1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5