Insecurities

I work at the same portrait studio where I took my high school senior photos. On my first day, one of my coworkers was showing me around and brought me to the back storage room where they keep extra props and hundreds of old disks of photos from years ago. Sure enough my old disk from my senior session was still there and I was allowed to take it.
I was seventeen when I took senior photos and man was I skinny. But I didn't feel that skinny when I was a teenager. I never exercised and I didn't eat well. I am proud, though, to say that I am not envious of my 17 year old body. I realize that my body has matured and my metabolism has slowed down a notch. I like my hips (most of the time). But of course there are things about myself that I struggle to love:

1. upper arms
2. square shaped face
3. nose
4. ankles
5. small feet
6. thighs
7. belly chub

I didn't put this list on my blog for people to tell me "Shut up Beverly, you're gorgeous." Or to fish for compliments. I know that I'm pretty, but like everyone, I have dumb insecurities. I feel a little silly posting about this while my mid section grows each week, and my chest has gotten bigger, and I'm expected to gain weight, but it has really been on my mind. I even had a mini meltdown about how unsexy I've felt recently. (Who knew that bigger breasts could make you feel unsexy?) I had a talk last week with a woman that I admire. She often vocalizes that she wants to change things about her physical appearance, and it just breaks my heart. I told her how this affects me when she puts herself down so often. I think she is beautiful and many others do as well. She is part of the reason I chose to write about this.

A couple of other bloggers inspired me to write about this subject as well. Here's a great quote from Samantha Heather:
"Joy is found when we rid ourselves of all expectations and comparisons and see everyone else as an individual, with their own set of flaws and gifts. To me, confidence is what is beautiful. ... We are never going to be satisfied. We are never going to have it all but once we start to look beyond the expectations and the comparisons perhaps we can be content with what we have and who we are and our insecurities can become a statement, a definition of us. This isn't a matter of how the world views us but rather how we view the world and the people and values that surround us."

Another great one from Kalee of Fred Rongo:
"Having a blog where you post pictures of yourself daily, really helps with getting over your insecurities. Not necessarily making them non-existent, but making them irrelevant. Showcasing  your insecurities. Yeah, I can hate things about the way I look, but at the end of the day, I really am thankful for how I am and how I feel. I'm confident in my body, even though it's not perfect. It took a while to get there. But I'm there. And I love it."

It's easy to make a list of things you hate about your appearance, so how about letting the world know what you love about your body? Along with the list of insecurities, here is my list of things I love about my appearance:

1. moles/beauty marks
2. eyes
3. smile
4. butt

Sure it's a smaller list than the insecurities, but I still think it outweighs that list.

(Here are a couple more from my senior photos 'cause look how cute I was :) )